


For You, From The Worst of Me

by wolfpuppi



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Everything but the rain, F/M, Father Figures, Father-Son Relationship, Flashbacks, Pre-Canon, ebtr, post-everything but the rain, the past repeats itself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27097477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfpuppi/pseuds/wolfpuppi
Summary: Ryūken considers his life choices and how they relate to his father.TYBW spoilers. Set between EBTR and the start of Bleach.
Relationships: Ishida Ryuuken/Katagiri Kanae
Kudos: 8





	For You, From The Worst of Me

He had never wanted to be a physician.

He thought it was too much work, too much time away from the family he wanted. He didn’t show it, but he wanted a lot of kids, and he wanted to be there for them - wanted to be there for them in the way his father never was for him. He understood, to an extent, why his father was always gone. After the genocide, his father and the few remaining Quincies worked to find new ways to become stronger, to be able to overcome shinigamis Bankais and abilities if they needed to. They had to practice, since killing Hollows would only draw attention to them, to the last remaining factions of Quincies in this world.

But it had been painful to grow up and never have his father around, to never know where his father was, to see him only when they were training together, in the sterile white rooms in the basement of the hospital where Sōken Ishida worked as a general pediatrician.

"You see other kids more than you see me," a young Ryūken once said on a rare occasion where Sōken joined his family at the dinner table, the maids bustling around them. Katagiri had perked up from the corner where she was pouring water into glasses at hearing the simmering rage in Ryūken’s voice. Ryūken’s mother had not taken kindly to the comment. Sōken had remained silent, letting his wife reprimand their son.

It had been typical behavior.

Ryūken took a long drag of his cigarette at the memory, exhaling slowly, letting the smoke penetrate every pore in his mouth, caress the enamel of his teeth, before finding its way out of his lips. He had another five minutes before his next patient. He shrugged his shoulders back into his white coat he’d had draped over the balcony railing, hating the feel of the coat over his body, hating how it constricted him, hated how starched it was, hated how it reminded him of everything he told himself he wouldn’t become.

The mantra he repeated in his head to ease the pain of where he stood, what he was doing, was that this was all a means to an end. The only good thing that came of his father was the Quincy lore he’d told him about, the rhymes that spelled foreboding and disaster.

Before the Masaki incident, Ryūken hadn’t really cared. Nine hundred ninety nine years were almost up according to the whispers and murmers, but pure Quincies would be spared. They always would - they were as much His Majesty as His Majesty was. Sōken had chided Ryūken for seeming so apathetic during the lessons. Ryūken paid attention - he had to, after all, he was one of the Last Qunicies - he just didn’t want to give his father the satisfaction of knowing that.

But now with Katagiri, he had to care. After Masaki left, she was all he had. She had always been all he had. She had always been there, supporting him - sure, because she had to, initially, but there had always been extra kindness and tenderness in the way she’d spoken to him, the way sometimes she’d let her fingers linger against his skin if they touched, the way her deep, almost black, doe eyes would examine his face and features and be able to extract everything he, felt without him saying anything. He’d never had that with Masaki. Masaki had been a duty, one his parents wanted him to fulfill. Katagiri was his solace.

Karma, he thought, flicking ashes over the balcony. He couldn’t fulfill the duty his parents had wanted him to - it felt nice to have that retribution against his father, at least - but the cost was to become everything he hated. Karma was right. Karma was a bitch.

"How can I protect her," Ryūken had asked - demanded - coldly of his father after Masaki had moved out and it was clear to his family that he and Katagiri would be married at some point.

Sōken had shrugged, scribbling away notes he’d brought home from the hospital - like he always did on the rare nights he made it back home. Always with another family, never his own.

"We’re not sure how His Majesty’s awakening will affect—"

"How can I protect her?" His words sharper now, as sharp as a Quincy arrow.

So he became a physician. There was no certainty, no guarantee that whatever happened when His Majesty regained his powers would be something medically related that he could fix. He became a physician and honed his Quincy healing capabilities to be prepared on either front. He had wondered if he would be able to care for her if the situation became one where her illness - state? - became severe, like the patients he rounded on in the intensive care units, holding on to life by a thread. Sometimes he’d wonder if a shinigami would come and perform a konsō on her if it came to it, but the thought made his stomach turn and the image of the black-haired shinigami - now living across town, no less - flashed in his mind, and he tried to think about whatever embroidery project Katagiri was working on at home to distract him.

He hadn’t even had to explain his career choice, how his decision was so contrary to everything he’d expressed before, to Katagiri. He wanted to apologize because he wouldn’t be there for her, for the children they wanted, how he was only trying to do right by her, but he had barely begun speaking before she cut him off.

"I understsand, Ryūken," she’d smiled, her eyes heavy from witnessing the distress and pain behind his. "You’re so kind, to do this for my sake."

"Tch," Ryūken flicked his cigarette over the balcony’s edge, feeling like the smoke evaporating into the breeze.

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for writing this very randomly. What if Ryūken was stuck in a cycle of being a bad father? Sōken is hinted at being absent in EBTR, and Ryūken's mother isn't the warmest figure. Ryūken became a physician anticipating having to find the Still Silver within his "unpure Quincy" wife, and he he changed his life and the person he thought he wanted to be - everything his father wasn't - to protect his family. It turned out poorly, as we can see (poor Uryū!), but alas.


End file.
